to test — or not to test

That is the question.

I saw my acupuncturist this morning and she asked me again if I took a pregnancy test. She asked me two weeks ago right before I was expecting my period. She was taking my pulse and mentioned that it was very rapid. When she said it — I immediately thought about the book I’m reading “The Infertility Cure” by Randine Lewis, PhD. It’s a great and inspiring read about infertility, acupuncture and herbs. I’ve learned so much about my body and I definitely recommend it for anyone going through infertility. She recommends taking supplements for different infertility symptoms. Since I found out that my FSH is high (and most likely have PCOS) — I’ve been taking wheat grass, royal jelly, spirulina, coenzyme Q-10, l’arginine, prenatal vitamins — along with the chinese herbs from my acupuncturist. I have to admit that I’ve felt a huge difference after taking them, lots of energy and just an overall good feeling.

In the book, she ends each chapter with a success story and I noticed that in most of them she’d say, “and I knew that she was pregnant right away because her pulse was more rapid than usual.” So when I heard my acupuncturist say mine was faster than usual, of course I immediately thought, could this really be true? She recommended that I take a pregnancy test. That night, after my appointment, I started to spot and I knew my chances of pregnancy were null and that my period would soon follow so I didn’t test. And, my period came, I think. It wasn’t a full period, mostly spotting. I just figured that it was irregular because of the herbs and acupuncture regulating my system.

Flash forward two weeks later and as she’s asking her usual questions, I mentioned that I’ve been experiencing some nausea the past few mornings and especially today. She also pointed out that my temperature on my BBT chart was holding steady. So, she asked me again, “did you ever take a pregnancy test?” I told her that I didn’t because I got my period. To which she replied, “but you did say that it was lighter than usual, right?”

Ugh! I’m so frustrated! I don’t want to get my hopes up again that I “could” be pregnant. It’s been over a year since we’ve been trying and I went that route of testing every month and getting so disappointed when it was negative. I hate that feeling. It’s like a slap in the face. But now I can’t stop thinking about it. I even googled, “can you get your period when you’re pregnant?” — and of course  a ton of stories came up where women thought they had their periods and still turned out to be pregnant. Oh joy, more false hope.

As I write this, I’m thinking, “just go buy a damn test and take it — what’s the big deal?” I don’t know why I’m being so stubborn. I should just do it, right? I already know it’s going to be negative so what’s the harm? At least it will put my mind to rest.

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4 Responses to “to test — or not to test”

  1. cafewitteveen Says:

    So what are you going to do?

  2. cafewitteveen Says:

    Oops, I wanted to make sure I clicked “notify me of follow ups”

  3. Xina Says:

    Oh Tina! I’m so hopeful for you guys. I can’t even imagine the extreme emotional ups and downs that you both have experienced the past year or more. You guys will make such great parents. Let us know what you find out.

  4. tina louise Says:

    Cafe’ — I think you know if I did or not ; )
    Xtina — I haven’t had the heart to test yet. But your sweet words and support keep me smiling. Thank you!

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