trying to achieve zen

It’s not looking good. I’m 12 days past my IUI — only two more to go until I really know — but I spotted last night and this morning. Why does it have to be red! It’s like a red hot poker right into my heart. Hear that? My optimism train just left the station.

How does anyone keep their sanity through all of this? I know there are woman who suffer with infertility for years to no avail — I guess I’m still a novice. Wait, no, it’s been over a year since so I think that counts for something.

I recently read a blog about a woman who was purchasing a new calendar for 2010 and reminiscing on how this was her third one to track all of the unsuccessful steps & months of her trying to get pregnant. I guess I’ll be needing another one after this month too. A new calendar to help me keep track of my cycle. Stars for the days I should ovulate, circles for the days I should get my period, and now Xs for when I need to take my shots. As each day, each month and each year passes, my heart gets heavier.

Okay, pity party over. After a good cry and a nice talk with my true love, I feel better. Life is a journey and this part of mine is in the valley right now. But I’m lucky to have the greatest partner by my side and we’ll be making it up that mountain again soon.


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4 Responses to “trying to achieve zen”

  1. Creative Fertility « Says:

    […] go read her blog and send her a big hug. And if you have a rotary phone, send her a rotary phone text telling her […]

  2. Petursey Says:

    Hugs !! I’ll never be in your situation so could never possibly know how it feels. Friends of ours are also going through the same thing at the moment. All I can say is we are rooting for you, send you humongous virtual hugs and that you and the Jezza are cut out to be superb parents.

  3. Xina Says:

    Sending much love and many hugs your way. You and your true love are so lucky to have one another. I’m thinking about you guys every day!

  4. tina louise Says:

    Thank you both for your sweet words, they warm my heart. I look forward to sharing good news with you some day.

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